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A collection of general musings on industry related topics and resources for those who are learning to navigate the world of seeing escorts.

  • Venus Rayne

Finding the right escort for you!

Maybe it was a TV show or movie that introduced you to the idea. Or a friend who gushed about their experience. Maybe you're tired of the swiping, and trying to pick up at bars, and the 3 dates at expensive restaurants/cocktail lounges you pay for before your date trusts you enough to sleep with you. Maybe your relationship isn't quite hitting the spot for you. Maybe you've thrown yourself into your career and just don't have the time to establish a relationship. Whatever the reason, you've decided you would like to pay for companionship with a person who is sexually, intellectually and/or emotionally available. And so you turn to good old google and you type in some variation of "escort in my area" and you click on the first website that pops up AND OMG THERE ARE SO MANY OPTIONS WHAT DO I DO?! Never fear, friend! For I am here to guide you to your dream escort! Firstly, it helps to have a general idea about what you're looking for. Before you invest your hard earned dollars into an experience with an escort, invest a little time into making sure you're getting what you want from the experience. You might ask yourself such questions as: What body type am I after? What hair colour do I like?

What facial features appeal to me? What age range am I most comfortable with/do I most desire? What kind of personality/vibe am I attracted to? What mutual interests would I like to share? What type of experience/sex am I after?

Do I require an in/outcall? Am I prepared to screen and pay a deposit?


For the purpose of simplicity, I will divide these into two categories. Quantitative attributes - things that are tangible that you can quantify - and Qualitative attributes - the not so simple to define qualities.


Quantitative attributes:

As you might expect, this is the much easier part of the search process. Most escort directories have an option for an advanced search which allows you to filter your escort by categories including body type, hair colour, bust size, race, gender, height, rates, services and much more. Say you select the options for a busty brunette between $400 and $600 per hour or someone who offers anal and you hit "search". Excellent! You've narrowed it down to 10 busty brunettes in your city within your budget or 15 providers who offer anal. But the process doesn't end there. You now have to narrow it down to one or two... or maybe even three if you're feeling adventurous. The world is your oyster. You don't have to stick to one, but it's a place to start! If you're after something purely physical with the hottest girl or your preferred service or whoever is available asap your job is pretty easy. However, as many escorts don't show their face for privacy and safety reasons you may find yourself at a road block if facial features are important to you. Most escorts who hide there face are not comfortable sending you pictures for you to confirm whether it's your favourite, so that's not an option. Your best bet here is to book a "face out" (meaning their face is on display) worker as opposed to a "face in" (covered, obscured, blurred) worker. Though many clients enjoy the mystery of not knowing exactly who is going to turn up. But wait! There's more. What things would you like to explore with your companion? What type of service are you seeking? Services can be pretty easily broken down into three categories, though it's very important to keep in mind that services are a personal choice and preference, so what some consider to be one category, others might consider to be another. Many providers offer several tiers of service at different price points, or "extras" which are additional services you can add at an additional cost. You can generally expect things that take more expertise and preparation or come with a greater risk to be in the higher priced tiers. Some escorts do away with the labels all together and offer services at their discretion at the one rate depending on a range of factors. Be sure to check the service list or mention that you're after a particular service very politely in your first message after introducing yourself. Advertising laws also vary from state to state and some states do not allow for services to be discussed so keep that in mind. I will be writing about booking/enquiry etiquette in future blogs, so look out for that. Girlfriend Experience - GFE

This is generally an intimate and vanilla service. While services vary from provider to provider you can generally expect sex in multiple positions, kissing, mutual oral, massages, cuddling etc... a playful and gentle experience.


Porn Star Experience - PSE

This is your raunchy and naughty service. You might expect a more high energy vibe and such services and deep throat blow jobs, deeper and faster penetration, facials/cum on face, maybe a little secretary role play, titty fucking/spanish and anal/greek.


Fetish, Kink, BDSM

This is a very broad and very vast realm of sex work. From foot fetishes, to restraints, to submissive/dominant play, to golden (urine) brown (feces) and roman (emesis) showers, to prostate massage, whips, canes, food play, role play, lactation... whatever your fetish or kink there is almost always a provider out there who offers that service. While you might expect a real life girlfriend or porn star to offer blowjobs or sex without a condom - often referred to as natural or bareback - each provider has their own personal rules regarding the use of protection and state laws definitely help to guide these where applicable. You would especially be misguided to expect that vaginal or anal penetration without protection is commonplace. It is sexual assault and a punishable offense to remove the condom without the knowledge and enthusiastic consent of all parties involved as is pressuring your partner or escort into sexual acts unprotected or otherwise. Remember, anything but an enthusiastic straight up YES is a NO! Don't be THAT guy!


Basic logistics play a factor in determining if an escort is for you. Do you require your escort to host (in call) or would you like them to travel to you (out call)? It's important to distinguish because some escorts work exclusively via either method and laws surrounding where a booking can take place play a factor. Keep informed on your state laws regarding sex work before asking your preferred escort to break the law. If a worker does not offer your preference take that as a boundary and do not attempt to work around it. Some escorts charge additional fees if they must hire an in call or travel out to you, so take that into account too. Are you prepared to pay a deposit and offer screening information such as your name, number, and in some cases photo ID? Most escorts will mention their requirements in their ads or on their websites. It is important to remember that each individual has placed these safety and comfort measures there for a reason and it is impolite and arrogant to suggest that you do not need to follow their procedures. If you're not comfortable with their requirements, move on to someone who meets your needs. Do not attempt to skirt around or avoid them because that signals to the worker that you do not respect their safety and comfort and flags you as potentially dangerous. I will be writing more on screening and deposits and how to avoid scams in a future blog, but for the minute there is some information in my Screening, Deposits & Verification page. Payment methods are an issue to consider. While the cashless society dawns, most escorts do not possess credit card facilities. If this is the only method available to you, ensure you ask you escort if it is acceptable before making a booking. Apps such as BEEMIT and online banking features such as OSKO can be used depending on the worker's preference. It's recommended to assume you are expected to pay for the booking in cash. Head to the ATM BEFORE your booking. You must pay your escort BEFORE any services take place.



Qualitative attributes:

So, you've got a vague idea of what you're into physically and sexually, you know your budget and requirements, but what's more important to you is finding someone you can connect with and enjoy spending time with in between rounds. Maybe you want someone warm and down to earth. Or witty and intellectual. Or bubbly and fun. Maybe you want someone who is into the same movies/tv shows as you. Or someone with whom you can have a really engaging conversation about travel over dinner. Or someone to take with you to an exhibition or event who will appreciate it.


This is where you REALLY need to do your research. Step 1. READ THEIR AD. Read it. Read all of it. Read every detail. While not everyone is gifted with the ability to use language and communicate in all its subtleties, most people let you know who they are in not only what they write, but how they write it.


Step 2. Click on the links to social media or their website or blog or whatever else it is that they offer up for their potential clients to get to know them. We are currently in the age of escorting where it's not enough to just post up an ad with hot pictures and expect the dollars to start rolling in. Fortunately for clients, in order to stand out we are expected to let you in. This means social media has become a vital part of our advertising and brand. While keeping in mind that social media is performative and IS advertising, many sex workers share their interests and experiences on their Twitter and Instagrams meaning you can get a feel for their personality and what they're like in person. Be aware that many do share negative experiences and personal issues on their social media and while some of it may seem unappealing to you, it is only a snippet of the person they are. If they share something personal which inspires anger or sadness, it doesn't mean they will be an angry or mopey person in their booking with you. We are human at the end of the day and we do have vulnerabilities, but the beauty of being human is that most of the time we are able to compartmentalise just as you can while you're at work. And if we're complaining about certain things we experience at work, that's a heads up to not repeat that action!

Step 3. Book! The best way to find out if you're going to get on well with someone is to meet them! Maybe they offer social rates so you can meet them over brunch. Maybe you might want to book them for an hour to two the first time before committing to a longer session. If you don't click as well as you'd hoped, there is no obligation to see them again. There is no obligation to stay for the entire duration of the encounter (though your fee will be forfeit). And there is no obligation to engage in anything sexual in your booking either. I've had many clients spend their first booking or two working up the courage and comfort for us to explore each other physically which only made the sex more amazing. Wanting to get to know your escort before having sex with them is perfectly normal and acceptable so long as it's done within the time that you have paid for. I hope this is a helpful resource for those daunted by the process of booking an escort. Feel free to leave any questions below or anonymously via curiouscat.me/venus_rayne Much love,


V xx

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